Dearest Sweet Honey Child: Do You Know That You’re Never Alone?

on November 21, 2011 | in Life in General, Relationships | by

watchingyou

So I freaking cried in the middle of Starbucks today.

As in, I was sitting with my laptop and just watching all these happy people around me— fathers hoisting their adorable little daughters up to view the pastry displays, friends laughing and hugging and smiling and nodding— and I just broke down.

All of the sudden it hit me that I’ve been feeling— well, really super alone lately.

As strong as I’ve felt for the past few months, it’s just come tumbling down this last week. Like, I’ve hit a wall. It doesn’t matter how many people are surrounding me— I’m freaking lonely. I am a sad, forlorn, “one man wolfpack.”

And you know, there’s nothing that really helps me through these times like thoughtless overspending, gingerbread lattes (extra whip please), and shameless flirtation with the male species. Oh, and vodka.

Just kidding. (Well, mostly.)

But what actually does help is— well, writing a letter to myself that tells me exactly what I need to hear right now, which is that no matter how ridiculously alone I feel right now, I’m really not.

And so that’s what I did— right there in the middle of Starbucks. For a good solid hour, I was that girl with mascara streaming down her face and with pumpkin bread crumbs all over her shirt (sexiness).

And the resulting letter to myself?

Turns out it’s something we all need to hear— which is why I’m pretty sure it was written for you, too.

Enjoy.

(Also enjoy the super creepy picture that I used for this post. But really, how could I not? You’re welcome ;-)

. . .

The Letter That We All Ought To Read

(Every Freaking Day of Our Lives)

. . .

My Dearest Sweet Sassafrass Honey Child,

There is something you should know—

something that you’ve been forgetting for far,

far,

FAR

too long.

There’s something I’ve been trying to tell you

for months,

years,

even decades

If only you’ll open up

and let my words in.

. . .

Do you know that,

no matter how certain you are

that you’re alone,

no matter how batshit freaking crazy you become,

no matter how deeply you fall,

you hot mess, you,

I’m right here with you

and

I’m not going anywhere.

. . .

Sweetest Gumdrop Sugarplum,

Do you know

that even in your darkest times

when you can’t see out

the window (yes, it’s there)—

even when you can’t make  sense of this strange world—

Do you know

that no matter where you are,

no matter who you are,

no matter how broken down or how broken apart

your soul,

Do you know that I am here?

And no matter what,

no matter what

I will never leave your side.

No matter what you do,

no matter how far you run,

no matter how certain you are

that it’s just you

Still

I have never

left

your

side.

. . .

Do you know how much I know you

The cries of your soul and the longings of your heart;

that deep and empty well within you—

I know these things

like I know myself,

and yes,

I am here with you.

. . .

You— you are the whisper on my lips

the song in my heart

you are the name that I carry with me

in every moment

of every single day.

You— you could never be forgotten

not for a single second

could you ever be erased

from my mind

from my heart

from my embrace.

You— you are permanently stamped

imprinted

unmistakably engraved

in the depths of my heart

and soul.

So let’s just get things straight, homegirl:

The strongest eraser in the world

ain’t got shit on

Me.

No matter what,

You

are written in my heart

in permanent marker.

. . .

Oh, Sweet Honey Child,

My only wish is for you to know

that now…

and now…

and now…

no matter what,

no matter how,

no matter who…

I am here with you.

You have never

ever

ever

been alone.

. . .

Love,

That Corny Mystery XoXo

# # #

[Image by 85mm.ch]

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  • Guncha

    Oh I so love this one, wanted a reminder and absolutely sure, I m not alone! Best letter ever! Thank you for the affirmation!

    • therese

      Absolutely…

  • Kelly

    Thank you. xoxoxox

    • therese

      Don’t thank me :-]

  • http://www.nohelphere.com Sarah

    Love this, Therese. It reads kind of like the notes from the universe…

    On a side note, my friend saw the poem you left in my blog comments and read it at our first sister-circle meeting yesterday.

    You are definitely never alone, but it’s okay to honor your feelings and be sad (even if it involves pumpkin bread, lattes and vodka… in fact… that’s a winning combination in my eyes!).

    • therese

      So cool, why don’t I have a “first sister circle group??!”

      It’s absolutely okay to honor your feelings and be sad… in fact, it’s essential. For me, it’s just realizing that I’m not alone in the sadness, even as I let my feelings be.

      Pumpkin bread, lattes and vodka… a winning combination indeed, although one that will never “fix the problem” or “fill the hole” like we sometimes hope for. Delicious and enjoyable nonetheless ;)

  • http://ensojourney.com/how-to-tap-into-the-power-of-gratitude/ Alejandro Reyes

    Huge thanks for this letter. It comes to give power to everyone, no matter how they are doing.

    I must say the most powerful thing I see in you, Therese, is that you are so strong that you are not afraid to look vulnerable to others, you always show the real you (breadcrumbs and all), that’s the hardest thing that a warrior can possibly do. You are a true warrior.

    Stay strong, and you know you can always count with me, not only as a loyal reader and fellow blogger, but as a friend.

    Never give up! :)

    • therese

      Thanks Alejandro, I feel you and I really appreciate that. Right back atcha :-]

      And if you really want to know the truth, I AM afraid to look vulnerable to others… I’m still scared sh*tless every time I put my vulnerabilities out there in my posts. It’s just that I’ve reached the point where shrinking in fear and allowing my soul to wither away somehow feels more risky than laying it out on the line…

      • http://ensojourney.com/how-to-tap-into-the-power-of-gratitude/ Alejandro Reyes

        That is exactly what makes you stronger, each time you do it, you face your fears, it’s not easy, but the rewards on the long term are really powerful!

        Without a doubt, I know you can overcome that fear, after all you are not lost anymore. :)

        • therese

          Lost and unlost all at once… that’s the paradox ;-)

  • Stefan Senna

    Therese;

    Thank you for the letter. It is wonderful that you are and were available to yourself in being vulnerable and open. Writing a letter to yourself is such a wonderful idea. You may or may not have viewed my paintings on my twitter that you are following, but my point is, is that my art has been my letters to myself in many ways. The stone series I revisited again and again because even though a great deal of amazing things have come to light and entered my space, I am still having problems in a couple of areas, such as feeling alone and getting the energy moving in my life path. It is like sometimes you have all the tools and you are ready to do something, but the something never shows up. Then you spend time cleaning the tools, getting the work space more organized, but still nothing happens.

    So thank you for putting yourself out there. You truly are never alone as we are each always in the arms of our Beloved, our soul, and all those guardian angels around us.

    Have a great day.

    Stefan Senna

    • therese

      Hi Stefan,

      Wow– your paintings are beautiful and full of energy. Just looking at a lot of them, I feel a sense of calm. We all have our own ways of “writing letters” to ourselves, and it’s obvious that you’ve found yours! Just beautiful and thanks for sharing.

      (https://docs.google.com/present/view?id=dfznbf7j_67htc3gdgp for inquiring minds! :)

      Thank you for sharing :)

  • chels

    i loved this. thanks! really needed it.

    • therese

      :] Glad.

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  • http://www.sylviaschade.com Sylvia

    You are a beautiful soul. Thank you.

    • therese

      Thank you Sylvia :)

  • Amber

    Therese
    You started following me on twitter a while back, and I didn’t know who you were but just followed you back. Then, you came up on my timeline Monday night with this post. I read it, and it is exactly what I’ve been trying to tell myself for the last 2 months or so. For many reasons which I won’t detail here, I have felt very, very alone lately. And when i wasn’t alone, I felt isolated, like there was a huge glass bubble around me that I could see out of but nobody could see in. I still do feel this way. But I read this post, then immediately started reading all the other ones backwards straight through. All of them. Every word. I think your site needs much more publicity and I think every girl should read every one of these posts. And men too. What I really think you should do, is kep making these posts for at least a year, then compile all of them in to a book. In the book jacket you could say that the book was compiled of all the posts from your blog, and litterally you could just copy paste all of these in a book. That would be amazing and I think it would be my personal bible. A roadmap to life. I think sometimes people just need to know that nothing in life is like a puzzle that you can just put together, it just flows wherever it may. And you just have to ride the current and make the best of it, picking up wisdom on the way. Life is so full of stress now, and I think people just really need to learn how to stop stressing themselves out so much. I am really glad you started following me on twitter, and I really don’t know how you found me. But I think it was meant to be.

    • therese

      I think it was meant to be too, Amber… I often follow people who I find interesting and who are followers of people I relate with; that may be how I found you… either way, I’m very glad that you can relate to my posts. That’s a good suggestion about the book– I’m looking into a lot of different projects that I’d like to pursue to expand upon my blog– it’s just a matter of deciding what I have time for and what would be most beneficial. I’ll keep you updated! If you’d like to, feel free to e-mail me. I keep in touch with many of my readers and I would love to know what you’re going through and how I can keep my posts relevant/helpful. thereseschwenkler (at) gmail (dot) com. :)

  • http://www.so-many-places.com Kim

    Beautiful! I love it. And I love that it is signed “that corney mystery” because that’s totally what it is! Thanks for sharing.

    • http://www.theunlost.com Therese

      Thanks Kim! It totally is…

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  • http://ThePowerToLive.com/ Connie @ The Power to Live.com

    Hi, Therese,

    Thank you for this post. It’s so good to know, really know, we’re never alone.

    This reminded me of a similar post I created, for my blog The Power To Live. I absolutely love, love, love it. I hope you do, too.

    You can find it here: http://thepowertolive.com/298/you-are-enough/

    Connie

    • http://www.theunlost.com Therese

      Thanks for sharing, Connie! It’s so very true, isn’t it?

  • http://twitter.com/downfromtheledg down from the ledge

    I think this feeling is there ALL the time, it just depends how well we’re stuffing it down, drinking it away, or otherwise distracting ourselves from that sense of alienation. That said, there’s nothing as potent as the joy of others to rub it in that we’re alone.

    • http://www.theunlost.com Therese

      I agree- many people live their entire lives distracting themselves from this feeling, and for good reason– it’s a feeling we don’t know how to bear (& we shouldn’t have to bear) on our own.

      “Suffering is pain experienced all alone,” a psychology teacher of mine once told me.

      “Pain on its own– is just pain.”

      When I think about it for myself, I think this is true. Is “sadness itself” or “fear itself” really all that bad?

      Or is it the feeling of being all alone in that pain– in that sadness or fear or whatnot– that is what really kills us; what really causes us to suffer?

      Sadness is sadness is sadness, but if there were someone who could say “I am here with you” and really mean it, and really, truly, be there in that feeling with you– would the level of suffering change?

      Thus the “joy of others” that rubs in your sense of aloneness.

      When we’re unhappy, we don’t need someone to “snap us into” joy or happiness. All we need is someone who can (& will) be here with us in our despair. All we need is the “experience of being experienced.”

      • http://twitter.com/downfromtheledg down from the ledge

        amen. many friendships/relationships lack the depth to go beyond complaining about problems on the surface level. although it seems unattainable, i love this ideal:

        “When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” ~Henri Nouwen

  • Guest

    This is absolutely wonderful. Beautiful. Perfect… Thank you.

  • keobski

    Oh God….I am crying now! I am going through a break-up and feeling so, so alone….thank you xx

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  • No one

    I’m so messed up I can’t even read that sort of thing (or write it). I feel like I’m being lied to or manipulated (or in the case of writing it myself being desperately delusional). Someone caring never feels genuine.

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  • Joana Roldan

    “You— you could never be forgotten
    not for a single second
    could you ever be erased
    from my mind
    from my heart
    from my embrace.”

    I cried so hard, thank you.

  • Sarah L. Noble

    This was beautiful. Thank you, I needed to read this. xo

  • Elizabeth Littlejohn

    Words can not express what reading this meant to me. Thank you so much. Just the kind of thing a 21 (almost 22) year old hot mess like me needed to hear/ read. Cried my eyes out “literally”(insert annoying Kardashian voice)
    Thank you again,
    xoxo
    Elizabeth

    • http://www.theunlost.com Therese

      Xxx

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