Believe it or not, you are not half-a-person walking around and looking for your other half.
You are not a starving monkey in need of a banana. You are not a car without gas. And unlike Jerry Maguire, you do not need another person in order to be complete.
Thinking that you need someone else to complete you is not only untrue, it’s dangerous– it implies that you are somehow inherently incomplete. And this, my friend, could not be farther from the truth.
As cheesy as it sounds, owning your wholeness can and will change your life. Here’s how.
1. When you are whole, you have more to give
Let’s face it: when you’re only half-a-person, you don’t have a whole lot to give—after all, half of you is missing. Ask yourself this: can you ever give someone love or respect or anything at all from an empty basket? Or can you only give it from a basket that is full? (I know, who the heck carries baskets these days… but you get the idea.) When you’re only half-a-person, you’re needy and you’re taking from another in order to feel complete. But when you’re whole, you have a basketful of awesomeness to give. This leads me into my next point…
2. When you’re whole, you attract other people who are whole
Half-people like to whine to their friends about how every girl or guy they date is sucky. They want to find someone who has the whole package, but they keep falling short. They don’t understand why they can’t find that person.
Newsflash: the sort of person you’re looking for, the one with the “whole package,” isn’t looking for half-a-person who has little to give. Would you buy half of a candy bar for the full price? How about half of a movie— would you pay to watch that?
Of course not. So why would you imagine that there is someone out there looking for half-of-a-person— no matter how great the whole person may be?
3. When you’re whole, you respect yourself
Half-people allow others to trample on them far too often. They need another’s love or affection so badly that they let people treat them in ways that their whole-person never would have agreed to. Whole people, on the other hand, are not so afraid of losing someone that they disrespect themselves. Whole people are able to draw firm boundary lines because they aren’t coming from a place of need. They aren’t looking for a sense of completeness; they already have one.
Can I tell you a secret? For most of my life, I was half-a-person. In fact, sometimes I still am… especially when I’m feeling really alone or vulnerable or hurt. I’ve come to realize, though, that I’ve been looking at things all wrong– the purpose of relationship isn’t to seek completion from another, but to appreciate that wholeness that each of you already has.
The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.
-Neal Donald Walsch
“You complete me,” cried Tom Cruise in 1996′s Jerry Maguire. I’d venture to say that this the greatest American lie that’s ever been told. No one can complete you, ever. No one can fill you up or give you what you need or provide you with the “missing piece.” No one can do this for you, not ever, because you, my friend, are already whole.
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[Image credit: swirlingthoughts]
Not how you think.
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