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America is inundated with stupid advice for young women– advice that is not only silly, but pretty horrible as well. In fact, I can hardly stand in the checkout line anymore without seeing a headline that makes me want to vomit, cry, and die of stupidity and embarrassment all at once. I mean, check out these headlines that I pulled from Cosmo’s website:

What Guys Secretly Think of Your Hair & Makeup: The truth revealed!

20 Dresses He Will Love

What He Thinks When He Walks Through Your Door

7 Facebook Habits that Guys Hate

78 Ways to Turn Him On

The Secret to Getting Any Guy

How to be a Total Man Magnet

Sexy Summer Hair Ideas

Meet a New Guy by Summer!

How to Decode His Body Language

Which is awesome and all, except when did the sole purpose of life become attracting a guy? Is this really what we’re supposed to be spending all of our waking hours on?

I mean, is the first thought we have about anything supposed to be “what would a guy think?” (WWAGT… you know). WWAGT of this dress?? WWAGT if I posted this picture on Facebook? OMG, WWAGT if he walked through my door??!!!!!!

We don’t just need “pretty summer hair ideas,” we need “sexy summer hair ideas,” because guys like sexy, right?!

And, you know, the purpose of life has pretty much been defeated if we aren’t a man-magnet or can’t please him in 342 different ways.

Possibly my favorite one is this “What Guys Secretly Think of Your Hair & Makeup: The truth revealed!” Because… uh, that is exactly the thing that keeps me up at night: what guys are thinking about my hair and makeup (hint: they aren’t).

What exactly are we teaching our children? Yes; I said children— seriously, I think more 15 year-olds read this magazine than 25 year-olds. Not that it’s really great advice for any age group. Take this shimmering pearl of wisdom, for example (from Cosmo’s “The 9 Best Things to Say to a Guy You Just Met”— this line is supposed to apply if you’re on the beach):

“I bet you’re wondering how I avoid tan lines.”

And Cosmo’s follow-up commentary:

“Nope. He wasn’t. But after that comment, that’s all that will be on his mind as long as you’re laying next to him. And if it’s up to him, you’ll stay right there, talking to him….”

Wow. Try that one out and let me know how it goes, ok?

Anyhow.

Back to my earlier point: is THE purpose of life really to attract a guy? Are our lives really incomplete unless every single one of our decisions, from our choices in clothes & makeup to the way we carry ourselves to the things we do on Facebook, are based on the “What Would A Guy Think” school of thought?

And besides that, are shimmery cleavage and sultry bedroom eyes really the key to attracting lasting love?

Just a thought, but maybe we should be focusing our efforts elsewhere.

But then why doesn’t anyone in the mainstream media send out that message? I mean, I kind of want to throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I take a look at the popular advice that’s out there for young people (both women and men included).

So today I’ve decided to do something a little bit different. Here it is, guys and gals: proof that GOOD advice doesn’t have to be uncool (or boring, for that matter). Today I present to you: advice that isn’t completely horrible … written Cosmo-style. Watch as Cosmo’s “Meet a New Guy By Summer!” article morphs into The Unlost’s spinoff, “Become Awesome By Summer!,” right before your very eyes.

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Meet A New Guy By Summer!

Become Awesome By Summer!

In a dating rut? Our ballsy tips will help you land your next boyfriend in just one month.

In a rut? Our tips will help you become more awesome in just one month— and coincidentally, you might also find a boyfriend (but if you don’t, you’ll hardly notice because you’ll be so busy being blissfully awesome).

1. Get the ball rolling by asking all your friends if they know any single guys. Being so forward may seem awkward, but at least you can be sure the guys they recommend won’t be douchebags or serial killers. Just saying.

1. Get the ball rolling by asking yourself what makes you feel centered and excited. Sign yourself up for a cooking class or a writing class or start working on those paintings you’ve been wanting to do. It might seem awkward at first, but notice how alive it makes you feel. Just saying.

2. Adopt a mantra like “nothing to lose.” Yeah, it’s a little corny, but being fearless always gets the guy.

2. Adopt a mantra like “focus on what makes you feel whole.” Yeah, it’s corny as f***, but prioritizing things that make you feel whole and alive always makes you awesome— and more attractive, too.

3. Perfect your come-hither look. Tilt your head slightly down and to the side, then look up from under your lashes and smile. This pose shows guys it’s okay to approach — trust us, it works.

3. Stop making everyone wonder, “Who’s that awkward girl that keeps tilting her head all weird at me?” If you want to go talk to someone, stop sitting there and go do it. Works every time!

4. Men tend to be intimidated by a pack of girls, so hit up a bar with just two friends. If you see a guy you like, pull away from your friends and scan the room. When your eyes fall on him, shoot him “the look.” It’ll give him a free-and-clear pickup opportunity (and yes, they need all the help they can get).

4. Consider that bars are usually crappy places for meeting men, anyways. If you do go, go because you actually want to have a drink with your friend, not because you want to sit there like a pathetic loser who’s waiting for guys to talk to you all night long. Under no circumstances should you shoot “the look” to someone across the room unless you want to attract the biggest sleazeball in the establishment.

5. You’ve mastered seductive body lingo; now cast a wider net and flash a knowing smile to every hot guy you come across.

5. You’ve thrown out the seductive body lingo; now keep it up and flash a genuine smile to every human being you come across—  whether he is hot or not. Because everyone you meet has infinite worth, even if they don’t have a scopeworthy ass.

6. Take a kickboxing or weight-lifting class at the gym. Arrive a little early so you can score a spot next to a buff guy and ask for some personal training.

6. Take a kickboxing or weight-lifting class at the gym. Arrive a little early just because you’re PUMPED UP ABOUT LIFE & FITNESS!! (Ohhh yeahhhh!)

7. You know those emails your college sends out about alumni networking events? Actually RSVP to one.

7. You know those emails your college sends out about alumni networking events? Actually RSVP to one.

8. After scoping out a men’s store for attractive men, pick up a shirt and approach one of them. Say, “Excuse me. My brother’s birthday is coming up. What do you think of this?”

8. Refrain from telling needless lies to unsuspecting strangers. Go to the men’s store because it is ACTUALLY your brother’s birthday. Just sayin.

9. Dare yourself to hand your business card to a sexy stranger and ask him to call you.

9. Dare yourself to stop depending on a sexy stranger to swoop in and complete your life (although he might come one of these days— once you’re already complete).

See, the weird thing is that once you stop placing an overarching focus on being “sexy” and on attracting a guy, you actually become— well, a heck of a lot sexier.  Author Meghan Daum summed it up well in the July 2008 issue of Allure. Sexiness, Daum wrote, has less to do with the act of sex itself than it has to do with owning yourself and your own worthiness:

“[Sexiness] is inextricably linked to sex as a concept but wholly separate from fornication… As much about posture and voice intonation as it is about cleavage or skirt length or the dimensions of our posteriors, feeling sexy is, at its root, about owning ourselves. It’s being at home in our own skin. No wonder it’s so damn elusive.

After all, pretty much anyone can have sex.”

(Props to Allure, by the way, for publishing one of the only worthwhile articles that I’ve come across in a popular beauty magazine.)

So instead of asking yourself WWAGT at every turn, try asking yourself this: WWMMFW?

That is, What Would Make Me Feel Whole?

This might mean taking walks or taking a yoga class instead of taking shots at the bar.

It might mean spending some quality time with your girl friend instead of desperately scanning the room for guys all night.

Or maybe you could write a blog instead of browsing Facebook for hot prospects (wink, wink ; )

Trust me: any respectable guy will choose the self-assured girl who’s acting from a place of wholeness over the overtly “sexy” girl who leaves him wondering if she would have taken any guy that gave her a second glance (not that his reaction is the point of it… but true nonetheless).

In the end, it’s not that you can’t look hot or that you shouldn’t feel sexy.

It’s just that… well, getting a guy to think you’re hot (or sexy or cool) is NOT the point of life.

After all, positioning your every decision to impress a guy is a surefire way to lose yourself.

And if you lose yourself, then, well… what’s left of you for someone else to love?

* * *

So… how’s THAT for advice worth reading?

I don’t see how it couldn’t be perfectly fit for the mainstream. The Unlost-opolitan Magazine: look for it on newsstands anyday now ; )

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[Image credit: Melissa Adret]

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